Is it guilt or is it shame?

I will be the first to admit that it me years, experiences, therapy, and vulnerability in letting go of my goto defense mechanism of intellectualization to sort this answer out for myself. My offering is a combination of these along with great teachers along the way.

One of the things I notice about these is that they show up differently in the body. Guilt has its own physiological response as does shame. In my opinion, and experience, shame is paralyzing and keeps energy from moving until it’s built up to an explosive point. Guilt, in it’s unhealthy form, also prevents energy movement and shows up as hiding or avoidance.

Guilt is about alignment with our internal compass. The inherent beliefs about what’s right or wrong and my alignment with my value system. What I value I put my time and energy into. An example would be a value of valuing family being professed with the action of not putting time or energy into it. This dissonance gives us guilt. There are several other examples and having good therapeutic support is encouraged in sorting through them.

And! Welcome guilt! What a gift. It is a call to change and is it easier to change a behavior or a value? It’s also a great gift to look at where one is out of alignment and may need to make some changes. Guilt has nothing to do with worth or value. It’s simply data supported by our emotional response.

Shame - that one is a bit tricker. This is the one that has to do with worth and value of the self. Brene Brown is a self-proclaimed Shane researcher and her work is excellent if you want more information. Shame is that integrated belief that we developed when we didn’t have much context about the world around us. And this pattern can show up in our adult lives as well. Shame is not about specific behaviors, it’s the belief system we have. Shame tells us that the actions/inactions of others is about us.

The good news is that both are possible to find freedom from. Either one requires skillful introspection, processing with a skilled professional, and actions to support change.

The invitation to the path is open to all. Let’s start the unbinding of these limiting and restrictive energies.